The most common hook mistake I spotted this week

“Be super specific - with everything."

I wrote that feedback to a student yesterday.

In fact, I rewrote six hooks in my scriptwriting community this week…

…and five of them needed the same fix.

Because non-specific language in your hooks is a big problem for both retention and gathering a loyal audience long-term.

Let me show you why:

Examples of non-specific language, and why it matters:

Example 1:

One student sent me a hook about nutrition for fitness. It started like this:

"Everyone is talking about the nutrition pyramid these days. As always, where attention goes, energy flows. If you're a career-driven human over 40..."

But here was my re-write:

"If you're over 40 and trying to [get down to X% body fat], you already know that nutrition is important. But after [X] years [doing relevant thing], I discovered that…"

Notice what changed?

• I cut the generalised opener ("Everyone is talking about...") entirely.
• "Over 40" became “over 40 and trying to [get down to X% body fat]”
• I added a placeholder for their specific credibility, where there had been none.

In this case, the added specificity makes it clear who the exact target audience is, what their goals are, and why this creator is the person to help them.

Without it, I have no reason to watch this fitness channel over any other.

Example 2:

Another student was writing about the dangers of having a fatty liver. One line said:

"If fat builds up on our liver, it can destroy it."

Which is true. But the impact of this is not made clear.

So I suggested adding this line right after:

"And long-term, this can lead to terrible side effects like [X] and [Y]."

(Again, I left placeholders for the YouTuber to add the specifics.)

But the point here?

Being specific helps the viewer truly picture what's at stake.

Yes, I know that a “destroyed liver” is bad. But I can’t really picture it.

But naming specific, day-to-day side effects it can lead to?

Now it feels urgent. Now I have to keep watching.

Example 3:

A third student was writing a video about menopause after breast cancer.

Can you spot the non-specific terminology in here? (It’s not super obvious.)

"So when women are frightened into thinking this is the rest of their life..."

It was only small, but there’s an important change to be made here too. See my re-write:

"So if you've been frightened into thinking this is the rest of your life..."

In this case, being more specific means talking directly to the viewer, as opposed to the general audience.

Your videos should be designed to address just the person watching, not a large crowd.

The Fix

To make sure your hook doesn’t fall into the non-specificity trap, ask yourself these three questions.

1/ Who is this for, specifically? (Target)

• Not "people who want to get fit" → "over 40s trying to build 10lbs of muscle"

(And, where possible, referring to them as “you”, instead of "they".)

2. What's the specific outcome you're promising? (Transformation)

• Not "grow your channel" → "hit 100k subscribers in 6 months"
• Not "write better scripts" → "cut your writing time from 6 hours to 90 minutes"
• Not "improve your fitness" → "get down to 15% body fat"

3. What's the specific consequence if they don't fix this? (Stakes)

• "It can destroy your liver…" → "…which leads to [X] terrible side effects"

This all ties back to my “target, transformation, stakes” hook framework (more info).

That's all for this week!

​Any questions? You can to reply to this email and I'll get back to you.

Speak soon,
George 👋