Write On Time

Create more engaging videos with simple, actionable scriptwriting tips.

Join 4000+ scriptwriting nerds reading “Write On Time”. Insights from writing for multi-million subscriber YouTubers sent to your inbox every Friday.

"I started a Chess channel and applied some things from your newsletter. In the first month I'm doing over a million views on long form content and have 3 videos cracking the 100k views mark."

Chess Nuke

@chessnuke

30k+ Subcribers

Subscribers

Welcome to another retention graph review - let’s get into it!

VIDEO #1

Title: I Survived FIFA 23 Without Dribbling

Creator: Zwearow

Average % viewed: 47.5%

‍

What worked:

(1/3) STAKES

This video begins with a winning formula: Rules + Motivation + Stakes

Rules = what are the video’s constraints -> Messi isn’t allowed dribble.
Motivation = why has the creator imposed those constraints -> to see if Messi will still win, even with an intentional handicap.
Stakes = what makes us care -> we’re told that Ronaldo awaits him in the final, which taps into the decade-long debate over which of these players is better.

All this is delivered within 10 seconds.

(2/3) TITLE

Within the first 30s, the creator accidentially dribbles with Messi, and immediately takes a forefeit.

This is crucial, because it delivers on the promise of the title:

“Oh wow, he really IS doing this without dribbling,” we say to ourselves.

If a video has limitations which seem difficult to impose, demonstrating those limitations in action within the first 30s-60s is critical for retention.

(3/3) CTA

(Spoiler alert) Messi scores the winning goal and the video ends.

Not even half a second is wasted.

What to improve:

(1/2) PAYOFF

The third part of the above formula (“stakes”) is well set up, but the payoff isn’t quite as strong.

We’ve been told at Ronaldo’s stats have been deliberately boosted to make him superhuman.

This makes me intrigued to see how ridiculously good he’ll be when we finally see him.

But when we get to the final, he barely features.

I understand that that the creator shouldn’t fake any gameplay, but we could have taken a moment just before the final match to big him up and ratchet up the tension again.

Or record some additional footage of Ronaldo in cinema mode to make his appearance more dramatic.

(2/2) TENSION

To boost tension further, I’d have liked to see more near misses throughout the games.

Most of the time when the creator falls behind, he scores again within seconds.

As a result, I never felt especially worried that he wasn’t going to win.

Takeaway:

If your video sets up limitations which seem difficult to impose, demonstrating those limitations in action within 30s-60s is critical for retention.

VIDEO #2

Title: Do Your Solos Sound Like NOODLING?

Creator: Jeff Williams Guitar

Average % viewed: 58.4%

What worked:

(1/2) DIRECT QUESTION

Jeff gives the audience a couple of opportunities to feel smart.

In S2, Jeff asks us to listen to him playing to see if we can figure out the technique he’s using (and retention remains flat).

(This demo goes on a tad too long, however, the result of which is the dropoff at the start of S3).

(2/2) METAPHOR

Jeff smartly delivers his tactic through a metaphor about a picture frame.

It’s first mentioned at 2:00, but he doesn’t fully explain the significance of the metaphor until 3:30.

Remember, it’s more engaging to grab your audience’s interest with a metaphor or story and then gradually reveal why it’s relevant, rather than telling the audience the ‘answer’ right away.

Not only does this make your video more interesting, but it ties back into the idea of making your audience feel smart as they try to figure out the relevance of the metaphor for themselves.

What to improve:

(1/2) B-ROLL

Although I love the comedic B-Roll, it looks a bit flat coming from the same angle as the A-Roll.

Simply changing location/angle could do a lot for the visual variation.

(2/2) CTA

The music suddenly ramps up at the end which makes it feel like the credits are rolling on a movie.

The key is NOT to make people realise the video is about to end. You want to make it seem like you’re about to explain the next crucial point, open their curiosity gap, then reveal they’ll need to click if they want the payoff.

With that being said, I would therefore reverse the order that the CTA is delivered.

Rather than telling people to watch another video before explaining what it is…

Pique their interest about the topic of that video, then tell them to click.

Takeaway

Gradually revealing the significance of a metaphor/story not only makes the video more interesting, but also makes the audience feel smart (as they figure out the relevance for themselves).

VIDEO #3

Title: Clarkson’s Farm: Diddly Squat Food Review

Creator: Heat My Words

Average % viewed: 41.8%

What worked:

(1/2) TIMING/TRENDJACKING

This video came out in February 2023, at the same time as Clarkson’s Farm season 2 was released.

This video shows the powers of jumping on trends.

But this creator goes one step further…

(2/2) SHOW, DON’T TELL

This creator could have just reviewed Clarkson’s Farm season 2 on the day of release and quickly uploaded his video to try and capture the hype.

Instead, he actually drives 3 hours to visit the farm itself.

Hot Topic x Behind the Scenes

Heat My Words has 2000 subscribers, but this video has 325,000 views at the time of review.

If you can capture the excitement for a trend, but go further than other creators in your niche are willing to, you’re going to win the war for attention.

What to improve:

(1/2) HOOK

The music drowns out the creator’s voice during hook, partly because the music is a touch loud, and partly because he turned away from camera while talking.

The first 5-10 seconds are critical for new viewers deciding whether to stick around, so make sure they’re as professional as possible.

(2/2) OVEREXPLAINING / REPETITION

There was a lot of repetition about the value of the produce.

4 minutes was spent showing the creator eating and reviewing the chilli, which is obviously an important part of the video, but could have been done in under a minute.

I would be 10x more brutal about what gets cut from the edit, especially if you’re repeating similar information more than once.

Takeaway:

To win the war for attention: identify a trend, create content around it, but take your content further than other creators are willing to.

That’s all for this week!

Speak soon,

George 👋

‍

Retention

No results found.

Thank you! Your submission has been received!

Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.

There’s a vital step when making any YouTube video that most people think is simple.

Yet creators I work with frequently get it wrong.

If you’re making this mistake, your audience will not watch your videos to the end.

In this newsletter, I’m gonna give you a 4-point checklist to make sure this vital stage of video prep never gets overlooked again.

‘I want to make a video about X!’

To show you what I mean, let’s take a look at this video…

(I’m deliberately not giving you the title yet)

It’s about the bombing of Hiroshima during WWII.

Imagine you’d decided to make this video.

Your first thought would go something like this:

“I’m gonna make a video about the events of Hiroshima.”

This is how prep starts for most videos, right?

“I wanna make a video about X!”

But then you run into your first vital decision.

You need to decide how to frame it.

After all, a topic like the bombing of Hiroshima sprouts many potential questions.

Angle #1

An obvious question to frame the video around would be:

Why was the Nuclear Bomb dropped on Hiroshima?

It’s a poignant question with some facts to unpack.

But there’s a problem with making this particular question the big question.

Why?

Because the answer can be simplified fairly easily.

Google “Why was the Nuclear Bomb dropped on Hiroshima?” and you’ll come away with a succinct, satisfying answer in seconds.

A viewer is not likely to commit 10 minutes to something they think they could find out in 10 seconds.

Let’s try another angle then…

Angle #2

What if the video was a play-by-play of the historical events, framed by the question:

What happened before, during and after the bomb was dropped?

Again, it’s a decent enough idea.

But the question feels vague.

There aren’t any specific curiosity gaps that have been opened for the viewer.

This way of framing the content is too surface-level and doesn’t evoke an instant need to click the video and watch to the end.

We need to find a more compelling way of framing it, then.

But first, I’m super excited to tell you about this…

YouTube Storytelling For 1M+ Views

I’m partnering up with Twitter pal and YouTube strategist Dabi to bring you his YouTube storytelling course at a huge discount!

Dabi has worked with multiple YouTubers to achieve 1M+ views on their longform videos. Through YouTube-specific storytelling techniques that he reveals in his course, he even helped an 18K sub channel get 6,300,000 views on a single video!

No matter how big your channel is, improving your storytelling will boost your views and speed up your channel growth. Dabi’s course has 30+ lessons on retention editing, case studies, and years of original YouTube research distilled into one place

For a limited time, you can get $200 off the usual price!

Get It Now! ($200 Off)

*Proudly sponsored content!

Alright, so now I’m gonna show you the actual angle this video used:

Angle #3

Why isn’t Hiroshima a Nuclear Wasteland?

Click to watch

So why is this so much more effective than the options we discussed above?

The key reason is this:

The title (and framing) opens up a plethora of curiosity gaps.

Seeing this title, I’m instantly asking things like:

How did they rebuild an entire city so fast?
How can people still live there?
Isn’t there a problem with radiation?
If people can live in Hiroshima, why can’t they live in, say, Chernobyl?

In fact, the questions we briefly considered earlier could (and do) fold into this video too:

Why was the Nuclear Bomb dropped on Hiroshima?
What happened before, during and after the bomb was dropped?

There’s just so much more to unpack with Angle #3.

But why is this relevant?

Something I spend a lot of time doing with clients is figuring out what the grand payoff of their video is.

The ultimate question/focus/topic that the audience needs to find out before they leave.

And, trust me, it’s usually not your first idea.

Some clients I’ve worked with have ended up picking an angle that’s too simplistic… or not picking one at all.

But unless you clearly identify a grand payoff that is deeply interesting to both you and your viewers…

…something which opens multiple curiosity gaps and provokes an emotional response of some kind…

The video is gonna feel hollow to your viewers.

If you’re building something my audience would love, you can get it in front of 1100+ creators!

Sponsor Write On Time

So spend time identifying the grand payoff that’s gonna keep the most number of people watching to the end.

Give them that “A-Ha” moment that’s gonna leave them satisfied and keep them thinking about your video after they close YouTube.

⚡️ Action Item

Use this 4-point checklist to identify your grand payoff.

I’m passionate about it.
My audience will care deeply about it.
It evokes emotion.
It opens multiple curiosity gaps (and can’t be answered with a Google search).

Look back at the video we discussed today. The first idea doesn’t check box 3, and the second idea doesn’t check box 4. The third (and real) idea checks all 4.

That’s all for now!

Speak soon,

George 👋

‍

Hey!

I’ve written a lot of scripts that never got made.

But one sticks out in particular because the lessons it taught me affected my life as recently as last week.

By the end of this newsletter, your content plan for the next 3-6 months may have changed.

Backstory

It was the early days of scriptwriting for Ali Abdaal.

For two weeks, I’d been working on a script about productivity in Denmark.

In fact, I was hoping to send Ali there to shoot the video.

(And, yes, I was 100% trying to write myself into a free trip as well).

We’d gone through a few re-writes for the video, and things seemed to be getting there.

But I remember a particular moment Ali turned to me after reading draft 3 or 4.

Something was different. He had that look in his eye. And I knew what he was about to say.

I feared it, yes.

But I also craved it.

He opened that devilishly productive mouth of his, and said the words:

“What if we just… allow it?”

Translation for non-UK folks: “What if neither of us ever have to think about this script ever again?”

Confirmation: the video was not happening.

But why?

Well, before I tell you that…

Got an awesome product to sell?

But worried about high ad spend and low conversions?

Ammar will help turn your audience into loyal customers using story-based emails.

You can book a free strategy call here. *Sponsored content

So… why did the script go from 90% completion to 100% scrapped?

The idea seemed perfect when we thought of it.

Ali was Mr Productive UK, so why not ramp it up and become Mr Productive Worldwide?

It was something we felt we “ought” to try.

But the reality was this…

Ali just wasn’t passionate about the video.

And I had 0 enthusiasm left for writing it.

When it comes to creativity, you can plan everything to a tee…

But if you don’t have the fire in your stomach to go and make it, there’s no point.

The wider problem is this…

It’s easy to fall victim to repetitive creative behaviour, especially on YouTube.

We start making something that performs well, but stop checking in with ourselves about what we actually want.

And that brings me to… well, me.

(And soon, you.)

My whole thing was being “the guy who reviews retention graphs”.

That’s how I marketed myself. It’s what my products were centred on. And it was how I grew this newsletter from 100 subscribers to 1000+.

But, after 9 months of doing the same thing every week…

I pretty much dreaded sitting down to write it.

The reason I ploughed on was because I thought this would all come crashing down if I ever stopped.

Then, something hilarious happened.

I wrote to you last week and asked…

“Do you actually care that much about the retention graphs?”

Turns out… no you do not 😂

So this week’s newsletter marks a change in my approach.

From now on, I’m gonna be sending out an actionable piece of advice from a scriptwriter’s POV, after 2+ years writing for these YouTube juggernauts.

Oh and by the way…

If you’re building something my audience would love, you can get it in front of 1100+ creators!

Sponsor Write On Time

So here are a few questions for you…

When did you last check in with yourself about your creative direction?
If you don’t enjoy making a certain type of content, what would it look like if you just… stopped?
Have you ever asked your audience how they’d feel about a change of direction?

You might be surprised to find that their relationship is with you, not just the content you make.

So thank you for your support on this newsletter over the last year.

Reviewing your retention graphs was a fun first season.

But we’re back on air for season 2, and I’m more excited than ever.

⚡️Action Items

List every different type of content you create. Rank each one from Low → High on these metrics:

How much enthusiasm do I have?
How stressed do I get?
How long does it take me?
(Optional) How lucrative is it?

Ask your audience what they want to see from you (community tab, email, Twitter).

Then, let the results guide where you take your content next.

That’s all for now!

Speak soon,

George 👋

Sooo this happened last week…

And, as a result, this week’s newsletter is gonna be a little different.

The thing is, you’d have thought a follow from the Beastie Boy would have been the coolest moment of my career.

(Which it was lol).

Buuuut it also prompted an absolutely classic existential crisis.

*pause for celebratory scream into the void* (join in!)

Since the moment wee Jimmy’s face popped up in my notifications, I’ve been in a weird business limbo.

But that’s where you come in.

Because you can help me escape it by answering a single “YES/NO” question.

First, though, I wanna take 30 seconds to reflect on how we got here…

One Year Ago…

I had 200 followers.

I was venturing into the freelance YouTube world with 0 clients.

I had no idea whether this was gonna be a sustainable career…

Or whether everyone who “warned me” about leaving my normal, boring, soul-destroying, life-shortening job might be right.

Maybe this was too risky.

But last week (almost exactly 52 weeks later) was truly a remarkable one.

One of those rare weeks where, with hindsight, you notice everything went right.

The first video I worked on with a new client did this…

…and my girlfriend Julia and I watched that video on our TV together.

One thing I’ve learned…

Treat the release of your latest video like a frickin movie premiere.

You worked hard on it and you deserve to feel flippin great when it comes out!!

Even more excitingly, I got to meet a bunch of awesome YouTubers IRL at a Creator Now event👇

A few people even knew me from Twitter!

Ricardo (on the left) actually received my newsletter while we were talking! 😂

AND, since I originally wrote this email, we crossed 1000 newsletter subscribers! 🥳

All this to say…

I could not have imagined being in this position a year ago when I went freelance.

Let alone two years ago when I quit my “real job” to work for Ali.

In a future newsletter, I’d love to talk more about how I got to this position with 0 experience and 0 contacts.

But… now comes the question:

Who… Am I?

The surprise appearance of Mr Beast contributed to an already unsustainable amount of inbound requests for my scriptwriting services.

Trust me, I recognise that it’s an incredible problem to have!

But I’ve realised I need to spend some time thinking about exactly WHO I want to serve with my content and WHERE I’m going with all this.

And that means…

I need to figure out which way to take this newsletter.

Transparently, sometimes I ain’t so excited about reviewing YouTube videos.

Some weeks I wanna write an email like this, or talk about specific scriptwriting tips that I’ve learned working on 1/10 videos for cool channels.

So, I want to know:

Do you open this newsletter just to check out the retention graphs?

Or is it for something else?

You can let me know here.

It’s just one box – a Yes or No answer. It should take 3 seconds.

There’s the option for leaving a suggestion too, but all I really need is your vote on that first question.

You’d be helping me out more than I can say!

Click here to answer!

Plus, if you answer the form, I promise I’ll get you a shoutout from my new best friend**

**this promise is not guaranteed, nor is it likely.

As always, a huge thanks for reading!

I’m very lucky that this is my job. And it’s down to you that I get to do it 🥰

That’s why I wanna help you live out your YouTube ambitions with whatever nuggets of wisdom I can pack into these emails.

Speak soon,

George 👋

‍

Hello!

Let’s start off with a game.

Wait, a game?

Yes, you heard me.

It’s the end of the week and I’m forcing you to have some organised fun.

The Game

Take a look at the graph in this tweet…

Can you figure out, just by looking at the graph, why this video was losing viewers?

A couple of folks who replied to the tweet got it right, but see if you can figure it out before clicking through to read the answer.

(If you’d rather not click the tweet, I’ll leave the answer at the bottom of this email!)

But this isn’t the only graph I’m gonna get you to look at in this email.

Because until you learn to properly interpret different graph shapes and what they mean…

You’ll never understand how your audience really feels about your content.

Result? You’ll keep making the same mistakes.

With that said, let’s get onto the reviews…

Video #1

Title: Your Roadmap to Prosperity from Ground Zero

Creator: Conscious Mastery

Average % viewed: 46.8%

In this review:
What a retention graph with a slow, steady decline like this means (and how to fix it).

Read it now

Video #2

Title: I Learned Sion in 10 Hours. Here’s what Happened

Creator: Ecore200

Average % viewed: 51.7%

In this review:
The most compelling way to incorporate voiceover into entertainment content.

Read it now

Video #3

Title: Tumblr Users Are Unhinged

Creator: Damien Lee

Average % viewed: 64.1%

In this review:
The mindset shift you need if you’re serious about improving your content over time.

Read it now

Time for some answers 😱

So… why were people skipping ahead in the graph I showed you at the start?

One word: Payoff.

In that script, I’d make a point, THEN talk about it for ages.

So, after making each point, I wasn’t adding anything new, which meant people were skipping ahead to get to the next payoff sooner.

Instead, you should always be building towards a payoff – giving context; using metaphors; telling stories; gradually revealing details…

…rather than giving away the juicy bit and then overexplaining it.

That’s all for now!

Speak soon,

George 👋

Hey!

Writing scripts is super frustrating.

In fact, writing anything usually a ballache.

I’m not sure why anyone would choose it as a career 😜

Especially when it comes to the hook or the CTA, every word seems critical.

And it is.

But if there is no “right” way to write anything, where do you even begin?

Well… it all starts with acceptance.

Specifically, acknowledging and celebrating the fact that your first draft should suck.

Because what matters is how you adapt the rubbish on your second, third and fourth drafts.

So this week I wanna show you the evolution of a CTA I re-wrote 4 times this week.

Primarily, I hope this helps you write a better CTA.

(But, secretly, I hope this gives you permission to suck on your first try.)

1/ The Setup

This scriptwriting breakdown draws on two threads I wrote earlier this year.

You’ll still understand the rest of this email without them, but feel free to dig in for additional context.

1/ Original thread on writing a compelling CTA that gets people to watch your next video:

‍

2/ Original thread on the writing process I use that stops me feeling burned out but still delivers strong results:

‍

2/ Purpose

I’m a huge advocate of highlighting the purpose of certain parts of your script (e.g. payoffs) because it makes it easier to see whether you need to adapt your script’s structure.

These are the essential components I use in every end-of-video CTA.

In this breakdown, I’ve highlighted things in the following way:

🔴 – LINK to current video topic.

🟡 – CURIOSITY GAP created.

🟢 – PROMISE/CTA delivered.

Let’s get into it…

3/ The Script

The main aim of this CTA is to get as many viewers as possible to watch the next video.

Draft 1 – The Bare Bones.

We’ve got the LINK back to the current topic. Cool.

But the rest isn’t great.

The CURIOSITY GAP is surface-level, with only passing reference to “you could make more money”. Ideally, we want to be speaking to the deeper wants and desires of our audience. Why do they want to make more money? What does that unlock for their lives?

As for the CTA/PROMISE… it seems I only got as far as the CTA and gave up.

All in all, a classic first draft!

Draft 2 – Precision.

The LINK was fine before, but is now even more specific.

The CURIOSITY GAP is too. It now specifically mentions the thing that’s holding you back from monetising your channel are other “huge myths”.

There’s now a specific PROMISE of transformation too, e.g. what they’ll get by watching the next video. In this case, they’ll learn what the myths are, thereby helping them make more money.

But, although the promise is more specific than before, it’s too surface level…

Draft 3 – Overcorrection.

The LINK is re-written for personal taste.

But the CURIOSITY GAP is now way too bloated.

Just look at how wordy the middle is. I’m taking three sentences to say what I could have said in 1-2.

Somehow, the PROMISE got less specific as I tried to expand it. From “unlock even more potential revenue streams” to “make more money”.

Overcorrecting is such an easy tendency when you’re feeling like you haven’t hit the nail on the head. It can actually be useful though.

It’s better to have too much than not enough, as long as you know how to tidy it up…

Draft 4 – Success.

I made the LINK more succinct to allow more room for the…

CURIOSITY GAP, which now uses more direct language and piques further interest by suggesting these other myths are super common.

The PROMISE is super specific too, speaking to a deeper need beyond “more money”. Now, we’re promising to help them make more money without sacrificing work-life balance, which is a common objection.

Fourth time’s the charm!

4/ Takeaway

Key features of a strong CTA:

Succinct but clear LINK back to the topic of the current video.
CURIOSITY GAP that directly addresses the viewer and instils a sense of fear/FOMO.
Highly specific PROMISE that goes beyond surface level claims and taps into a deeper need your audience has.

But, remember:

You’re not trying to hit this on your first draft.

It can be bloated, inaccurate, wordy, unfunny, boring, stupid, or totally incomplete when you start out.

In fact, I’d encourage you to let it be all of these things.

It’s much easier to adapt a pile of crap than a blank page 😉

That’s all for now! Back to more retention reviews next week.

Let me know your thoughts on this, and how you approach the most important parts of your script!

Speak soon,

George 👋

‍

Create more engaging videos with simple, actionable scriptwriting tips.

Join 4,000+ scriptwriting nerds reading “Write On Time”. Insights from writing for multi-million subscriber YouTubers sent to your inbox every Friday.

Thank you! Your submission has been received!

Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.

Create more engaging videos with simple, actionable scriptwriting tips.

30k+ Subcribers

Latest Issues

How to win the war for attention on YouTube

VIDEO #1

What worked:

(1/3) STAKES

(2/3) TITLE

(3/3) CTA

What to improve:

(1/2) PAYOFF

(2/2) TENSION

Takeaway:

VIDEO #2

What worked:

(1/2) DIRECT QUESTION

(2/2) METAPHOR

What to improve:

(1/2) B-ROLL

(2/2) CTA

Takeaway

VIDEO #3

What worked:

(1/2) TIMING/TRENDJACKING

(2/2) SHOW, DON’T TELL

What to improve:

(1/2) HOOK

(2/2) OVEREXPLAINING / REPETITION

Takeaway:

Why Retention is a completely useless metric

📉 Should you actually care about retention?

‍

How to "frame" your YouTube videos so people actually watch them

‘I want to make a video about X!’

Angle #1

Angle #2

YouTube Storytelling For 1M+ Views

Angle #3

But why is this relevant?

⚡️ Action Item

Why Ali Abdaal never made this video

Backstory

Got an awesome product to sell?

The wider problem is this…

So here are a few questions for you…

⚡️Action Items

Mr Beast is wrecking my business

One Year Ago…

Who… Am I?

Are your YouTube videos… boring?

Video #1

Video #2

Video #3

Scriptwriting tip of the week

The scriptwriting problem that will reduce "returning viewers"

Scriptwriting tip of the week

Video #1

Video #2

Video #3

Make your videos longer (organically)

Video #1

Video #2

Video #3

Increase audience engagement by 2-3x

Scriptwriting tip of the week

Video #1

Video #2

Video #3

Bad retention on YouTube? Read this…

The Game

Video #1

Video #2

Video #3

Time for some answers 😱

How to write a killer CTA in every YouTube video

1/ The Setup

2/ Purpose

3/ The Script

4/ Takeaway

Create more engaging videos with simple, actionable scriptwriting tips.

📉 **Should you actually care about retention?**